Like I said, I have not made any promises about anything.
My biggest instinct is that I am blindly wrestling with someone over pride and maybe something else that I can't quite see yet.
I can't help but feel such a rush through my body that makes me battle for my defenses in a separate and solo state. It makes me want to just drop and forget everything.
My reality right now is very pathetic. My pride still not yet lost, but should a reality decide over pride? In my case, I have not yet given up and it is a tough battle of defense concerning the tactic that is used against me. It is what leads me back to an earlier complaint dealing with the issue of putting up a fight.
After all I've been through, I'm the type that likes to fight with wit, debate, reason, reasonable compromise/negotiation.
I hate how some think certain tactics are the determining factor of who really won a fight and how some things are used against a person even when it isn't relevant.
In a separate wired state of mind, an occurence happened that I continue to not make any comment over. I remain vague for my own sake. The comment that I will make is that it is an obvious loyalty but not a permanently promised one. And, again, that the occurence does not determine anything. I feel blinded by the occurence and can't really see who the definite identity is.
But I see it more as angry aggression and I want an explanation. I want the occurence to be defined.
I'm sitting and blindly wrestling in this darkness and I want to deal with it myself.
