Running around blind

I'm still not your fool at heart right now..... Whatever else you could be trying to say isn't clear enough. ... The deal is you want me to lose weight and be skinny for you? Another juggernaut smack. You're making me stay hooked to you and I'm in a lot of pain. You're being a mean player and I don't think we could ever make a relationship out of what we are. I would assume that you have a thing for Gillian anyway. You look like you are breaking a sweat for her and have feelings for her. I know you have denied her a couple of times in the media. Is it that you are reacting in your own jealousy? Do you feel that I have cheated on you more than you ever cheated on me? It hurts so much that you continue to play some of the same games and you just don't want to let me go. If I owed you an apology in cheating and do have something to make up to you, it is something I could have done at one time. But, when you get your revenge and continue on in the cheating game, you make it impossible for me to apologize and make it up to you. The juggernaut you are scars me so deeply. You make things worse where I feel I could never apologize. When you make me feel tricked and fooled enough, I have a great hesitance in having an apology and playing the fool as if things could ever change...I have nothing but the same answers and being forced to be and stay in an open relationship is too much for me to emotionally handle. You're so mean to keep me hooked to you. I hate whatever game we're in. I have no idea where you want to go or where you are going with me. You know you still have me in some ways and can make me break a sweat and have emotional feelings for you, but I know I am consciously making the choice to not be your fool and believe in you. I don't know what you want or whatever else it is that you want to get at. I am in pain.