Good and bad and good and bad news

Edward, Although it has been made to be normalized and there have been times I have had no choice to give in, I am still mad that you haven't literally called me and talked to me. The good and bad of the Kaiser Chiefs and the God complex that comes with it. When the Kaiser Chiefs should understand to let go of making giants out of themselves to talk to their wanted through the wanted's small window in a skyscraper. How bigger he is than the skyscraper just besides the window. I hate structure too, but does some (real reverse structures) have to be so ridiculous or extreme about communication? This is how I smell a man's intimidation or fear. Maybe I am being manipulative because I just can't seem to find a more effective way of coming across to you.......... The thought of "The Police," though was sweet. The song just can't grow old. It'd be a shame if you did abuse the song too much and make it grow old for the literal time that won't be spent. Don't know whether that statement was good or bad. The good news is I am happy that you are somewhat here, but I'm not necessarily laying my life down. Another good news is, I remember the time you kissed me in the car when we were at the stoplight and I can guess what that was about. You know you know you have a good idea of what I want (bashfully agreeing I want my own Carlos). You knew my sincere freeness and you knew you didn't have to give me money for my sincere affection. You appreciated my appreciation. xoxo............ The bad.......... Your unfairness. I did notice the way you questioned and/or accused me with some specific people or things. Edward, you really are classified as a new one. No matter how much structure some men have together, I can make my own choices any time that I want to of ignoring, overlooking, or acknowledging anything that I want to. Your persistence does show some integrity that: you don't know some things about me. I'm not sure if you understand which threat you do bring with some persistence. Maybe you are pure in heart and really have some kind of possessiveness or jealousy where you do not like the idea or want me to be a swinger as either a straight or bisexual slut. Maybe this is about pushing me to compromise where you do want me to be a bisexual swinger for your own self-seeking. You want me to give up on my green eggs and ham fit and say that every woman won and I never denied any woman. I will not compromise. I do consider some women to be my nigger rapists. I consider some men in being nigger rapists as well. My mind has been made up with green eggs and ham. Although some very rapist violent and piggish men want to argue tooth and nail with it and lie about my truth; there are still differences between being raped/robbed vs. me being the one to seriously give in, and accepting anyone and everyone's green eggs and ham. Edward, you already made the choice to not call me at all. Not even on Christmas. Not even on my birthday. I did take it as maybe I really just am a one night stand. The truth is, I still miss you and do want you to make literal effort and action to keep in touch in a normal way, but some men just go and ruin it for the way things have to be done their way. You can just call me Ruby for now. I can take some burns and then I decide when I don't take anymore. I really wasn't meaning to burn you this past weekend. It was just another fling in my eyes. I can guess at the love square I am in right now with you, me, Erin, and Travis. I do not want a foursome. Erin is still an enemy and will always be one. I still am suspicious you could wanting to gangrape me for her sake or that you are into the both of us. Travis? I still don't know him well enough and your present luck is that it is still easier to be easy with you than it is with him......................... I really do hate the way I have to be so straight forward, but I also hate the way I feel you keep threatening my overall will to live and my sexual will to live with either lies or exploits.......Maybe you were just on a mission to show me some gossip with how some connections are made with some people. Do you really see me as a step-parent Edward? Who is my Bruce? Maybe that is why they called you a teenager or saved you from being murdered by speaking a possible X-rated truth. I really don't want to know. I don't care to know about the Kardashian's at all. ......... How can we end this on a good note Edward? It can't be completely good because of the mean control freak you are or an intentional destroyer you want to be. There is a difference and I can't tell which one you are. You can call me Ruby for now.

Some eyes on Me

And I am feeling a little more suffocated. If there were someone to give into, it is impossible to give in. I wouldn't know how to give into someone if I were suppose to. Tom, I am taking another hint from you. Nothing to say about it. other secrets I keep......hmmmmmm....... I think someone is getting a little more aggressive on me, but not sure if he gets they way he is impossible at this point. Walls are closing in in ways that don't make sense. Maybe he is just being fun and games or maybe he is seriously angry and vulgar. He is just too impossible. I am a cat up in a tree.

Blind as BatBoy

I hate that I have to say your name a little more........ Farmer Man. I'm sorry I don't know your real name. Am I really your mail-order bride? In one route I could see myself a little in Fergie's "Clumsy," song. but.......... I'm on my guard. If you did want to get even closer and release the tensions of you possibly being a predator wolf to embarrass me on purpose, I'd play along and let myself go a little for you. "El Dorado," It really could be intended for either of us. You might have a revenge for the time I was with both you farmer men and I had a thing for Jon at the time..... You didn't seem interested. You didn't seem interested at a second later time I saw you at the bar. I was the one who was being the fool then anyway. Why couldn't you just count that as your revenge? I think it is boyish to want revenge and humiliate me. You also looked like you had a thing for Brittany at the casino; and you're probably mad at what I said to you and the arbitrage for your stares and desperate judgment. I think that is why, nevermind........No matter what you think; I know I'll always be straight. Maybe you really are very possessive and jealous and took whatever conversations they were too far..... Maybe you punkish farmer boy, really does have a thing for my "hobo" crafter. Maybe you think I'm your sexy type and maybe I could be. You know what else? I got more of that farmer fresh juice at the market because it is one of the best I have found yet. (V8 nothing personal, your juice isn't 100%) Farmer man, you can or can't take it to your head, but I'm getting that juice no matter what you think. I'm putting my party dress on this weekend. If you did want to go out and bar hop and party this weekend I would be open to having fun with you too. If you are out to embarrass me, don't think I'll go home and put on the other "party dress." Don't you think you can make a limp woman out of me. Don't think you'll make a gutter woman out of me either.

God Bless Me

Where do I begin? It looks like there are more walls and darkness now. I have some trust for Joel, but I'm not completely on his side. God bless me regardless of what Joel thinks God should do. I know Tom is leaving me guessing. Hmmmmmm. For today and however long,... it looks like me in a burka with a tapping stick blind people use. I believe he wants to kill me although he leaves me guessing as to whether he is out to be a white knight or wants my blood. I wonder what is really up with Vampires. I'm not intentionally being cute, but it is like there is something people should believe when there are connections made with vampires. How the fiction is somehow real. He seems more in Samuri mode than Vampire mode to me. Maybe I am getting what I am asking for: If I am always expected to be subjected or enslaved and I'd rather be dead, maybe Tom wants to put me out of my misery. He has a few conflicting signs right now. I believe he is against me more than for me. I know the truth I've already proved when he or someone else tests me with subjectivity. If people have won with damning my life that much and I will most likely be trusted as a serious enemy because I will not bow, the long popular vote of Gadaffi's win overall will put me to death because of the power in numbers. Well, I can only wait from here. If I do die, I wish for the best for Mitzi. I do not want my parents or my sister and David to take care of her. I do not want any of my extended family to take care of her. I'd want Joel to be the one to find a loving adoptive family for her. I never asked to be tested the way I was to begin with. This is the consequences of testing me constantly in the several violent ways I have been tested. All of my decisions with some men will not be decided for now. Too many walls. Too dark to see. There are several signs I will not look at for the sake I will not be tested and I STILL KNOW WHAT MY TRUTH IS. I do not know which psycho out there is being the most dominate psycho now, but that is what they are to me: A P-S-Y-C-H-O

mystery or cruel games?

I'd rather be seduced back into mystery... I have an idea of where this could go and I am really not liking the looks of it. I don't want to fall out of love with you. I don't want to lose interest. And, I don't like being lied to either. I don't want Jon back; or forced to be handed back to him. He is too killer, rapist, and violent. I believe you have the potential to be violent. If anything now, you seem a little more boyish. Perhaps rejecting. Maybe you aren't in any kind of popularity or fascist game. Maybe you are just turning up the heat of possibly being seriously serious. Maybe with the pool scene, it is all a matter of math competition. Skills. or bragging of corruption. How dare I be a human. Maybe you didn't like the idea of me liking your idea so much and you have your own way of taking the love out of it. Maybe I read you the wrong way and you have nothing but the most hateful of intentions. No Tom, no. Not sure of the arbitrage going on with Stacy and possibly another one of your foodstamps of me. I don't care if Stacy likes me, or that we may possibly and eventually have something in common. No, I don't identify myself as an official you-know-what either. I really do have my own way of seeing it as love, and I don't care if I get made fun of. Of course, I would care if I were to be made fun of by you. I don't care how you number me either. I'm still too good to be numbered to have a comparable number to Stacy. I don't believe in being a number much either. I've already written some blogs in cheer for Snowflake power. There are no snowflakes that have the exact same fractals. While you're playing unsafe with my heart anyway, I'll just keep playing dangerous anyway. I am no one's subject. While I believe I could be the most gun-shy or kill-shy person, I would just let the Calvin's in my life be murdered. I havn't forgotten about Stacy's will to murder me either. I think she is a dumb bitch for giving herself the entitlement to murder me for whatever or any reason. I didn't even watch the TV episodes. Who was Stacy to ever judge me or me to be ever subjected to her judgement? Tom, please don't lose me. Please don't make me fall out of love with you.