1st guesses, 2nd guesses

TAKING A GUESS. .... My first guess was either: 1. THE Boogie Man Coach could (further either) a. be serious ~I'm (ME) the TSA bitch~ b. be wanting me to run into his knife, his fist, or something... 2. Being pranked by some pranksters. If the truth is 1A, I keep it at our somewhat personal discretion and have no further comment for now and something for him to find out on his own. ............. My second guess is that someone is intentionally fucking with both the coach and I and giving us both a death threat. and wanting to turn me onto his jealousy. hmph. I know what some of my whiplashes are, but I am given 3 suspects of the death threat, and have no clue what their whiplashes are. What is David to expect of me when he makes me believe he is bisexual and into orgies? (The visual David gave yesterday looked pretty dominate and threatening but I continue to call the bluff of it all). David wants to fake it to make it for some reason if it is him... The other suspect is Trevor, military man from Morgantown. He knows my drill though. What makes Trevor different than the rest of the men who want to play me with my enemies? (I can't see him being subjective against me in my own sight). It is the fact that some women he chose (Erin and Bree Ann) have been serious criminal sex offenders before. What makes Trevor different?... The other suspect is the Navy Seal dude whom I still don't have much info on and is being unfairly possessive of me....... If there is a different man other than that who is giving us a death threat, he isn't being obvious with his identity enough.

Guessing in the Dark

Something is going on with someone or some people. There is a rage I can't guess out. While Tom may be coming off as a "hero," I'm not trusting anything. Tom and Jon are my 2 main suspects. It looks as if someone else is the prime target of a suspect, but he is very much of a stranger that I think could be arbitraged as Chris Z. Jim, Bob, and Chris Z are probably included in what is going on too. The last time the electric went out; it was Jon who was looming as the death threat and terrorist. Jon was always too impossible and there is no way out of Jon on my end. I have no apology in regards to what I said against his ignorances and totalitarianism. I had my own ugly talk that I'm not sorry for. Whether or not he will admit it enough, Jon knows he never won with me and never will. I guess I can only wait on how many more of whatever my days are numbered...... When looking at you; it is possible to have some suspicion, but I'm not sold on believing you are my bad guy. If you are being evil; I have a difficult time in believing in your evilness. I don't think you have AIDS. I think Tom and Jon do and passing on their disease is their death threat. Maybe Jim, Bob, and Chris conspire to bring Jon and Tom on me more. I'm pretty lost with whatever is going on in the dark. .......... I'm glad to see more positive signs from you in the media. I'm glad you smile. It takes away most suspicion of you being a cheater. I'm still stressed and have some doubt where you are cheating and aren't planning on being done with cheating. What if you do value one more or pay another more than me? Are you trying to pull the topic of prostitution and "what is love" back on me? I'm just strictly talking being a stripper and when a cheat looks like a cheat. You gave signs and sought back after me again, but YOU TELL ME whether or not I am being naïve that you value and want me the most and are done with cheating. Being naïve really isn't something I want to think about. I want to get over it and just be happily won with you. There is still some wonder and doubt. I can only keep taking each day as it comes. I will be mad if you continue to lead me on with no point. I'm sold on believing you want me and want me to want you.

In your bondage

David, .... Did you really give me that nightmare last night? It was like I woke up from it before I could wake up from it and it was scary. It was like I woke up and my room was pitch black. I tried to open my window and couldn't see, then darted for my door and flipped the switch, and then I panicked much harder because I was still blind and everything was black. Then, I woke up actually the second time. I'm glad that you like that I believe in God and don't mind at all. Are you a Christian? How devout would you consider yourself? I still don't like my sister and however you want us to communally get along. Although we both save face; I call myself a serious enemy of my sister..... I'm glad that you are with me in some way. I know I don't completely understand you... When I'm in my Flirt4Free chat room, it really is fun and games with nothing serious about it. I get horny sometimes because of my own sexual atmosphere. I definitely get horny when you seem to be around. Besides you having your occasionally suspicious jealousy, do you use either job against me? Are you mad at the job I have in being a dancer? Do you have your own way of making up "my unsaid idle tongue," where you would use my job against me? I'm not understanding what all your dominate actions are, if you could be meaning to test me, whatever way you mean to test me. David, do you have something you mean to say? You mean to have a jealous dominate anger that I don't completely understand? Is it just specific suspicions, or the whole caboodle? the actual job itself? .... Please don't make me too confused with who or what you are or what your actions say or you could verbally want to say. I really hope you're not being unfair or having a seriously mean double standard where I'm barely even cheating at all. xoxo

Random Thoughts and Drama

This past week and weekend has been tough. Business is sometimes unpredictable in the dancing world and this week was one of those bad weeks. People must be too busy with summer winding down and fall being started. Anyway, although I already hate having to work 4 days in a row, I have no other choice to pick up an extra shift tonight. Although I don't plan on waking up extremely early tomorrow, I am still losing my beauty rest. I'll have to have some extra caffeine which probably is a reason for having so much anxiety and insomnia. I'm so excited for vacation. It has been YEARS since I have been to the beach. I was lucky to have been able to treat myself to my Canadian vacation a few months ago. The road trip with Mitzi is going to be an interesting one. It will be a little over 5 hours. I'm not sure how well my 3 year old will handle it. I did get my own beach cd burned. I love a fresh burned cd. I'm excited for the crafting season this year too. I wish I had more projects accomplished, but I still have a good number under my belt. lol. whatever expression I could say it. ............. Travel and Leisure. skipped a few articles, but some I just had to read. I don't know if Mike from WVU is seriously making a serious pass at me, or someone is dolling us around. I found out that he is one of my "Toronto" men. Ha! lol Awe, he is sweet if he is being around to support me in some ways. We haven't really kept in touch in literal ways since the fling a few months back. He is still on my good side......... Playing on...David Duchovny. He is a random surprise. I don't know where he came from. I don't really know what to say. Is he seriously being very serious with me? What did I do to get his attention or interest? Why does he want me? If he really is that serious and really loves me that much, what did I do to win him? Do I really have him won effortlessly? Maybe he has a few tactics to just want to get in my panties. lol. I don't know. He is a lot to look up. I never realized how many movies and TV shows he was in. He is also a musician. More famous than I realized. .... so much going on and so much on my mind I may have forgotten to bring something up. My mind is full and full of questions and curiosity. ...getting ready soon to get to work. Hopefully tonight will be much better and make up for the crappy week........

Waiting Out or Don Draper no chance despair?

I continue on in wanting to find out more about you. I'm a little angry at how things go and the way it sometimes seems that storylines are too made up or just far out. I know I sometimes get emotionally carried away myself sometimes whether or not it is fair to the other person of interest that I'm interested in. However, I am usually not the one who makes up a lot of stories. I always do everything and anything I can to communicate. (I guess so in most cases. I can be secretive). A prime example of someone making me up: Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I thought it was funny, but I had a little anger. Did I really have 2 boyfriends who seriously cared and gave themselves that much of a real life credit? I never even knew I had a boyfriend. While I still feel on the bottom with you, and you having questionable extents of credibility with Ben Affleck, and possibly Scott Disick, are you that emotionally carried away? Did you see us in a relationship, already having me, and everything is already ruined? Whatever Steve. It just isn't fair. I may have let you down in the past because I wasn't awake to you enough, nor smart enough to catch onto you to be more interested and pay more attention. I know I'm not completely understanding your tangible silence or intangible talk....... Maybe you are waiting for me to watch more of your movies. Maybe I really have no chance at all. Maybe you are my personalized Don Draper, and I am your personalized Megan and I have a chance. While I can't make myself seriously believe anything, I care to care. And no, Chance Chapman is not another person I am meaning to talk to when I talk to you. I am only looking at you right now Steve.

Don't know how to play it safe

Hi James. You want to be my friend, don't you? Although you have scored some points with me, you also gave me reasons to run from you. Arbitrage arbitrage arbitrage. I think you know the main man that I'm presently attracted to. I still want him. BUT I don't know how to play it safe. He does have a long term girlfriend who he has brought up and seems to stick with. Therefore, it should be fair to continue to say that there are other fish in the sea and to share whatever and anything I would want to share with someone. Besides the aspect of that fairness, is another aspect of unfairness. Silent games, secrets, and the continued unexplained mystery of messages and visuals in one's mind and head. Questionable telepathy. There is no fairness or safety in it. The devil's got a gun in my mind alright. I had such a nightmare the other night and I'm so upset about it. Although it was just a dream, I have never felt so off guard and caught by surprise. It was a death threat of what would happen if I did get seduced by him. I don't feel safe in either giving in to him or not giving in to him and the possible way the arbitrage would carry on and pass the buck to you. He does seem like he wants to be on my good side, and the sign with you today is another thing to convince me that he wants to be on my good side, but I feel the threat is still there and I don't know why. That is the main thing: I don't know why. I could get on my knees and cry for my life, but what if he or someone else would twist it to say that I'm saying I'm sorry for something I'll never be sorry for? I'm lost with him. I don't want to be deceived or lied about. .................. McDonalds. Do you or him think all talk is cheap or your talk is cheap or that it is just another thing taken out of context? I don't mind hearing your 2 cents out of what you thought about with the humility of working at McDonalds with your status. In some ways I can agree with what you are trying to say, and in another way, I disagree. Some people do work to earn better or other skills and qualifications in whatever field and shouldn't feel inhibited in pursuing their interests. In my personal life, my main objective is directed more at something else. I know people do have prejudices and jealousies. I know the way I was violently treated by some people and management. Yes, I am too good to be: treated like a dog, intentionally over-under-estimated and expected to prove myself in the worst way, made to be a subjected victim to another persons lie's, rumors, or will to control my life. People always crossed the line with socialism where it was never relevant to the job to begin with. I never know who anyone ever thought they were to want to control me, judge me, or threaten my everyday life and the choices that I made as a person. People were never right to disrespect me, dog me, and treat me the way they treated me. YES I AM ABOVE ALL OF THE ABOVE. .......... People can try to switch subjects or change the agenda all they want, but there is a truth that will still always be there. I guess I'm a little more satisfied when people dodge or run rather than insist they were right to dog me, but it doesn't change the history that has already been made. ............ I'm not completely sure what to think of you James. I am going to make myself watch "The Interview," but it really isn't something I've been looking forward to. Besides that, you and you know who have me curious. I don't want a threesome or orgy.

Colin

Am I seeing things, or am I seeing things? Some things are more convincible than others. I could have a sociopath messing with my head right now, but I'll go with the flow anyway. Christian Laetner. Your name of the night. Laetner, Late. I'm guessing that it could be an apology: who are you to judge me with "Florida," when you are too late. I know some people can take things their own way, and this is the way that I would take your name game. ha! lol. Introduction to the friends and family who probably aren't the literal real people either. lol. ha. Right now you're in the middle of too less and too much, but sometimes I don't like to use my imagination too much. "Florida." First off, I don't always like the paranoia with code names and when people don't always know when to take me figuratively or literal. Florida is the place where I would like to take Mitzi on vacation this year. I'm thinking the Florida Keys. I'm not sure if I want Disney to be the first vacation. I'm not too crazy on Disney. I think they may have a few crackheads or capitalist loyalists who gang up on someone. If I ever take her to Disney, Disney will be the picked over vacation spot. Besides being far off on a different rabbit trail, is back to Florida. I'm not a hypocrite or one-sided with "one can't take real actions back in time." When something is said or done, something is said or done. I know I'm not a real prostitute, or have ever made any real actions of being a prostitute. Sometimes, it is the heart of the matter. While there are ways that I will always be mad at the world, I still believe in snowflakes. Not everyone is the same. Although a person can't always control their anger, feelings, or burned out bias with someone else in an earlier life, it isn't ok to displace those feelings on someone else or make someone a problem they never were. Some capitalism can be unfair, and the trust issue is not always easy, and can be a greatly complex matter. You have betrayed my trust in some ways, but in other ways I feel I can trust you. I don't know how to describe it. You just seem nicer and softer. I still have my doubts with you in that I have uncertainty in how much I could have you, or you could want me. It means something for you to stay persistent with me and that I could be something else to you. I'm not sure if you have completely removed your threat of me being second "seeded." You womanizer. Although I can warm up to you again and come back around, I'm not completely sold out and have my hesitations. I may have the available time to watch some of your show tmw. You'll be on my mind until then.

This might hurt

..... I have yet to talk about the fact that you look like Justin and the "Fonzi," connection. I'm afraid to know the truth with that. When it comes to simple terms, I had a crush on the DJ, then on D Atri, and then on the DJ again. I was never official with any of them, and the crush I had on the DJ comes and goes. Zooey Dashcenel, did give me more of a hint the other day, and I can't help but wonder more about you. I don't want to know but I can't go on in ignorance either. Everything is fun and games until someone finds out a little more info. There was a night that the DJ gave me a pretty brutal, hateful, criticism. I wasn't always sure what was seriously going on in his end. My DJ'd response was: "Spirit in the Sky," and "Breaking the Girl." His tyrant obsession bit really hard. Is it that you think the same thing he does, or was he just speaking for D'Atri? I know I'm not understanding what all of your dominate aggression is. I'm guessing you are giving me several good vibes, but I'm not sure where or how we started and where it is you want to go. I'm afraid to know more about you and what you're thinking...

Colin

I'm not talking myself up too much that you're mine (I hate that I have to be so defensive like that)(I question if you are being lied about as the arrogant man you supposedly could be. I think some people could be making some stuff up about you)... I am assuming you are just as much of a player as any other man. I think there is a rivalry going on between you and Jon fighting over me. You're the one that I would most willingly pick between the two, and I'm not meaning to make you jealous. Maybe you are wanting to be my James Bond. I feel like I'm already over murdered by Jon. I know he plays dumb too much. Even though I know I'm attracted to you, I wish I could trust you more. Although I'm still gungho in my snowflake war, I don't want to feel like I'm jumping from one problem into another very similar one..... In one side thought, I think John Atchison may still be trying to mark me as his, but I deny him all the way. I'm mad at his lies and the credit that he thinks he has. ... Anyway, I thought I'd say hey, and see you around later.

Frank I feel like talking to you

Bits and pieces of arbitrage and shares you want to talk about? I'm still not exactly sure who you are. It is like the mother of all blind dates. Barilla and Paul Rudd. ha. Jon identified himself in Barilla too (eyes closed). I know there is/was a little going on with Colin. I don't like that he would identify me with Lisa or Maggie. ...... Frank, today was a bad day. There was some bad news and sad news. I'm not going to say the sad news, but the bad news is that a water line from work broke and I don't know when the club is going to open again. I don't like being vulnerable to my pay. ....... Other than today is kind of back with history... hmph. It is almost as if you could give yourself the credit of being my Mr. Smith, or the architect. Not just with the casino, but a lot of other things that led up to and was at the break in the casino. I really was proud to be fired. Even without the safety net of being a prostitute. I was proud to be fired. While I kept my pride, I still had an anger that once again it was my life and resources that were on the line where I was the one to be scapegoated again. I have such a sincere frown against so many employers and the fact that it was always there choice to creep their way into my personal life to be possessive, controlling, or blackmailing. Not one single place that I've worked at should have ever crossed the lines they crossed or to have threatened or judged my life the way that anyone and everyone has always had. It is one constant Stockholm after another and life HAS NEVER BEEN FAIR. I think there is an odd that you could be Becky's baseball player boyfriend, but I'm not entirely sold on that. Maybe it is Sid, and some other random men who are in it against Jon and in it for their cheating girlfriends. I know I'm not the only girlfriend who cheats on Jon. I'm not sure of the women who could be involved with Jon and how the affairs have gone. I know it was really Tom that I was looking at when I was cheating on Jon. Technically, it wasn't cheating. I have been screaming him out of my life for a long time and still have never let him win at winning me in a relationship. I'm not the swinging type and it does bother me sometimes when I'm still being a slut with him in the head. It's not that I was with him or his people when we were off and on in the head. I continue to label him as an enemy and really hate the ignored victim that I am and that he will never seem to understand just how severely angry he makes me. This whole thing is awkward. My guess is that it is either Becky or Bree Ann that you want to hate me for. I can't take back the Tom Petty "Mary Jane's last dance," or Madonna "Die Another Day". I never gave you or them the power and the arrogant vanity that they give themselves. I still don't know who they think they are or why they think they are deserving to express dominance over my life the way they do. I still consider them my nigger and wouldn't be surprised if they believed in the sharia law. It isn't my fault that you would be a tyrant in my life along with Jon the way you are. I could question if you are ganging up together but that's not what I'm meaning to say. I could guess you and him got into a fight and could be over it, but I don't know. I really hate your dad and don't like talking about him or bringing him up. ..... You really could have been the one to push me over the edge with Tom and Barilla in your own structured rig and system. Although I'm not a prostitute, I know I can't stay a stripper forever. I don't know what the future holds Frank. I think I could do it for another year before I try to look for another normal type of job, and then I still don't know just how bad of a tyranny that it will be. I really don't know what you want Frank.

My New Boyfriend

(Colin, in getting real with myself, I really don't think I have any serious kind of chance with you.) (I know I don't know you well either, and maybe it could be a good thing). Any way, if you are wanting to be my protector against Jon in some way, I am appreciative. It looks like I'm getting a reaction out of him this time, and it is probably a reaction that I or someone else has gotten out of him before: Calvin Harris, "Bottle Popping." Maybe he has his own backwards demands and begging? I don't care. During the millions of times he cheated on me, most of the cheats were never the impression of it being because I was the cheater first. I do not believe in polygamy. If he was being monogamous in the most least believable way; I seriously was not sold into believing I was his number one. So what I'm trying to say (to a sportscaster who will always be prone to having an eye for fairness) .... It isn't fair for him to put some kind of guilt trip on me, or to manipulate me back to him. Knowing the devil that he is, he should know the devil that he is!!!!!! .......My general overall view is that sometimes I find relief when people believe in having fairness in relationships. However, players and gamers can go too far sometimes. I will always think that relationships should be about the actual person you want to be with the most. Sometimes, it seems that the games and structure of it all will always matter more than that person one supposedly wants to be with. So many times I find myself saying "Why won't you just admit that you don't like me?" Something along those lines. There obviously is a different underlying issue or prejudice and sometimes people just don't know when to get real. I know we are talking literal sports here, but I'm sure you have some kind of opinion on relationships too. You definitely seem to be the quieter type, but I'm thinking you really have your eye on someone else. I'd just thought I'd say "hey," anyway and be appreciative of you if you really are being protective of me.